Bridesmaid's Guide: The Bridesmaid's Timetable

In war, there is a direct correlation between having a plan and celebrating victory.

Just as the bride needs to prepare step-by-step for W-Day, so must the bridesmaid and maid of honor. Whether the wedding is a clambake on the beach or a black-tie, sit-down dinner for 350, there is no other celebrated milestone in life that involves so much planning and so many egos. It is an extremely complex and emotionally charged event, with societal laws and cultural mores to observe and expectations to fulfill. Can you understand why the. bride is tearing her hair out? Beware the trickle-down effect: fre-neticism and hypersensitivity can be contagious and may lead to a distortion of reality. After you receive a dozen late-night phone calls from the bride wailing that the florist is not offering her the shades of French tulips he found for her more charismatic older sister, you may find yourself reaching for the phone to gripe to your boyfriend that the bride intentionally chose a tea-length aubergine dress for her bridesmaids so nobody could possibly upstage her. Stop! Don't make the mistake of troubling yourself with imagined motives and don't air to your boyfriend or co-workers the irksome, petty details of the wedding process. Your boyfriend will become allergic to the word wedding and your colleagues will avoid you like the plague. The antidote to panic and petty behavior? A rational approach to the larger picture—the timetable.

The surest way to keep the bride sane is to offer her assurance that she can rely on your support. You can't accomplish this by picking up your dress at the tailor's an hour before the photo session. The key to being a successful bridesmaid is planning, planning, planning. Don't assume your shoe-repair shop will correctly dye your white silk pumps the identical rose-petal pink of your bridesmaid dress on the first try, or that your hay fever will take a vacation the day of the wedding. With a little advance preparation, you can glide right through the bride's engagement period with minimal stress, hopefully avoiding those pitfalls that can turn an otherwise joyous event into an excruciating memory. Just because it's not your wedding doesn't mean you don't have to pull your weight. As a bridal attendant, you have accepted a major role in the most important event in someone else's life, and there are about a hundred things you will need to do in order to prepare for the Big Day. The following timetable will help you:

ONE YEAR TO NINE MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY:

• Purchase engagement gift (optional).
• Attend engagement party.

SIX MONTHS AHEAD

• Provide your dress measurements to the bride, maid of honor, or designated bridal salon for dress ordering. If you're an OOTA—Out-of-Town Attendant—this time frame will allow for delivery of the dress to your home, leaving plenty of time for alterations and to correct any major mix-ups (such as, you get shipped Cousin Martha's gown and she gets yours—she's a size 16, you're a 6).
• If you're fortunate and the bride asks you to choose your own dress for the wedding, start searching for your gown. Begin this search as early as possible. Believe it or not, stores don't carry summer gowns in the summertime. They carry them in the late winter and spring. Don't wait till the last minute to pick out a dress; the selection will be paltry.
• Start planning the bridal shower (see "The Bridal Shower").

THREE MONTHS AHEAD

• Pick up and pay for your bridesmaid gown.
• Take the gown to the tailor for any alterations.
• Purchase your shoes. This allows for plenty of time to have them dyed if they must match your dress.
• Schedule a hairdresser appointment for the wedding day if you're going to have your hair professionally styled (optional).
• Schedule a manicure appointment (if you don't plan to do your own nails).
• Make arrangements for accommodations if you're an OOTA. Hotels fill up quickly, and chances are that even if the bride and groom have reserved a block of rooms at a group rate, there is a deadline for reservations.
• Make plans for the bachelorette party for no less than one week prior to the wedding. (See "The Bachelorette Party.") You'll feel queasy enough when nosy guests engage you in conversation about the latest developments in your life without having to tend to the side effects of a hangover as well.
• Maid of honor: Pick out a gift for the bride from the bridesmaids to present to the bride either at the bridesmaid luncheon or the rehearsal dinner. (Optional—see "The Maid of Honor.")

ONE MONTH AHEAD

• Pick up the altered dress. Try it on before you leave the shop!
• Make sure you have appropriate undergarments.
• Plan your outfit for the rehearsal dinner.
• Pick up your shoes at the shoe shop where you had them dyed.
• Pick up any required headgear. If none is required, you may still want to pick up something for your hair, either for the ceremony or for later in the reception. Very few hairdos last a whole evening. You may want to buy a hair band or a barrette that goes with your dress so that you can pull your hair back at the reception.
• Purchase a wedding gift. Technically, you have up to one year after the wedding to give a gift. Decide if you want to bring a gift to the wedding or if you prefer to send one at a later date. If you've already laid out a great deal of money for this event, you may want to save a little each month and give the.couple a gift sometime after the wedding.
• Get your hair cut. Don't get your hair cut on the day of the wedding, or even the day before. A bad haircut can really dampen your spirits. Get your hair cut no less than a month before the wedding and DON'T try anything drastic!

TWO WEEKS AHEAD

• Scuff up your shoes. Take them outside (on a nice day, please) and walk around on the sidewalk or an asphalt road. Do a little soft-shoe number for your neighbors if you like, but scuff up the soles so that when you wear them at the reception, you won't slide on the dance floor and into the punch bowl.
• Attend the bridal luncheon (if the bride is throwing one).
• If you're going to have a facial, do it NOW! We know plenty of overzealous bridesmaids who, in pursuit of perfection for W-Day, have gotten facials a day or two before the wedding day. Bad idea. Yes, your skin will glow, but you'll also have nasty blotches and red marks where the facialist picked, and picked, and picked. Allow time for your face to heal fully.

ONE WEEK AHEAD

• Assemble the contents of your Wedding Survival Kit. (See "The Tour of Duty Begins.")
• Confirm directions to the ceremony and the reception site.
• Confirm transportation plans to the ceremony and the reception site.
• Confirm transportation home from the reception.
• Make sure you have all additional items you will need for the wedding (pantyhose, hair accessories, gloves and so on). (See "Wedding-Day Checklist," )

THE DAY BEFORE

• Get a manicure, or do it yourself.
• Press your dress if it needs it, and hang it up where it won't get wrinkled.
• Go to bed early!

THE DAY OF THE EVENT (W-DAY)

• See "At the Wedding."

Wedding Planning Guide: Prewedding Events

Q. Who gives bridal showers and how many may a bride have?
A. Bridal attendants, family friends, co-workers and relatives may give showers. Members of the immediate family—mothers, grandmothers and sisters of the bride or groom—should not do so. There is no specific rule about the number of showers, but it is an imposition to ask friends to go to several and bring a gift to each. The bride should go over the guest lists with the hostesses and divide them so that no one person is invited to more than one or, at the most, two showers.

Q. Are showers for women only?
A. No indeed. Showers that include the groom and male guests are often held in the evening or on Sunday. It is fun for the groom, who is often not as much involved in the prewedding planning and festivities as the bride, to participate in a shower. The shower category, however, should be of interest to both the bride and the groom. Bottle or bar showers, workshop showers, garden and barbecue showers all are appropriate.

Q. I have received a shower-invitation that has a note saying "wishing well. " What does that mean?
A. This means that in addition to a regular gift, you have been asked to bring something for a "wishing well." "Wishing well" gifts are tiny presents—a spool of thread, a kitchen sponge, a wooden spoon, a can of soap powder, etc. The hostess usually makes a cardboard replica of a well and decorates it with paper, fabric, laces, doilies, ribbons, etc., and the gifts, wrapped and tied to ribbons, are tossed in. There are no cards on the presents, although at some showers the guests write a poem, which is wrapped around their gift. The bride pulls out the gifts with the ribbons. and reads the poems aloud.

Q. Must a bride write thank-you notes for shower presents?
A. It is never incorrect, but it is necessary only to those guests who have sent a gift and are not present. If the bride personally and warmly thanks each friend for her gift as it is opened, she need do no more.

Q. What is the bridesmaids' luncheon?
A. The bridesmaids' luncheon may be given by the bridesmaids for the bride or vice versa. It is not a shower but rather an opportunity for the bride and her attendants to have lunch together before the wedding. It is usually held on the weekend before the wedding so that those who are working can attend. The bridesmaids usually give the bride their joint present at that time and the bride may give her gifts to them.

Q. What is a bachelor's dinner?
A. It is a festive gathering of men to bid farewell to the groom's bachelor status and, as is the bridesmaids' luncheon, an opportunity for the groom and his attendants, plus other friends, if desired, to get together before the wedding. Toward the end of the dinner, the groom rises and proposes a toast "To my bride" and the men rise.and drink the toast. Bachelor parties once were given by the groom's father, but that is rarely so today. Instead, the ushers usually arrange the party, or it may be hosted by fraternity brothers or co-workers.

Q. When is the wedding rehearsal held? Who takes part in the rehearsal?
A. Usually it is held the evening before the wedding. It is attended by the bride, the groom, all the members of the wedding party and the bride's parents. The groom's parents do not need to attend but they certainly may, if they wish.

Q. Who gives the rehearsal dinner and who attends it?
A. The groom's parents usually give the rehearsal dinner, although it is not obligatory that they do so. If they do not, a member of the bride's family or a close friend may give the dinner.
The bridal party and their fiance(e)s, spouses or live-in companions, family members of the bride and groom and, if possible, out-of-town friends who arrive the day before the wedding make up the. guest list. The clergyman, if a family friend, and his or her spouse, is often included.




Q. Who sits where at the rehearsal dinner?
A. For a large dinner, a U-shaped table is ideal. The bride sits on the groom's right at the outside center ot the base of the U: Her maid of honor sits on the groom's left, his best man on the bride's right. The attendants sit on either side, alternating bridesmaids and ushers. The host and hostess sit at the two ends of the U. If they are the groom's parents, then the bride's mother sits on the groom's father's right and, the bride's grandmother on his left. The bride's father sits on the groom's mother's right and the bride's grandfather sits on her left. The other guests are seated along both sides of the arm of the U, in whatever order seems the most congenial.


At a smaller dinner a rectangular table is best. The bride and groom sit together at the center of the one long side, their attendants beside them, the host and hostess at either end, and other guests in between.

Tips for Planning a Bachelorette Party

A bachelorette party is a fun send-off for any bride to spend some quality time with all of her girlfriends before the wedding. There are many ways this special day out can be planned.

The theme of the party should be based on the bride’s style and preferences. For example, if the bride enjoys going out late and having a few drinks, dance clubs and bars would make for a fun night out. However, if the bride doesn’t drink or dance, perhaps a luncheon or a night out at the bowling alley or a comedy club would suite her fancy.

As for the guest list, this should also be based on the preferences of the bride as to whether she prefers a large party of many female friends or would prefer to constrain the list to a few good friends. This will also dictate the type of party being thrown.

Many times, the bachelorette party involves food! This could be at a restaurant or at someone’s house, if anyone feels adventurous enough to make food! Usually it is nice if someone makes a toast to the bride, and sometimes after eating a few gifts are exchanged, such as lingerie or clothes. Each guest can bring one gift, or a pool of money can be donated for a large item instead. It usually depends on how many guests are attending.

After eating, the theme of the party goes on. Some ideas for a day or night out include:

Shopping

Some form of sports activity (rock climbing, miniature golf, paintball, volleyball, etc.)

Arcades center (pool, pinball machines, etc.)

Heading out to clubs and bars

Staying in for a slumber party, complete with popcorn, movies, and painting toenails


Some ways to stay safe include:

Consider hiring a limo if everyone is planning to drink, so nobody worries about driving

If traveling a far distance, find a hotel to stay the night, and drive back the next day

Always stick together, particularly if not everyone is familiar with the area

And be sure to have a great time!

Tips For A Guilt-free Bachelor Party

There is a special day in a guy’s life when he goes out and celebrates the end of one period of his life and the beginning of a new one. This day is set aside to go out and enjoy one last night with the boys before becoming a man.


This is not his 18th birthday — this is his bachelor party.


A bachelor party is a day to share with your friends — the rite of passage from "singlehood" to married life. On this day, your friends share in the experience and go to great lengths to surprise you, inebriate you, embarrass you, and in other words, show their true friendship to you. The bond is strong between husband and wife, but so is the bond between man and his friends.


There are many customary traditions that men practice for bachelor parties, some which cannot be described on paper. Yet there are ways to enjoy this occasion without planning activities that need to be explained in the morning.


The venue


First, you need a place to hold the event. Try a friend’s house or rent a hall. A friend’s house can be the meeting place where everyone can gather.


Unless you are planning to keep the entertainment in a hall for the majority of the night, it would be a better idea to meet at a friend’s house or at a pub.


The transportation


Secondly, you want to determine a mode of transportation prior to the day. Renting a limousine or a van are two good ideas. Make sure you have a designated driver, if you are renting a van. This will not only keep everyone safe but also keeps everyone together while saving time meeting people at different places and times.


This idea saves money on renting a hall and keeps everyone together. This way, you can hit many hot spots during the course of the evening.


Gamblin’ man


Not only are pubs a popular bachelor destination, but so are casinos.


Most casinos have a restaurant area, shopping, and a hotel, which make them popular destinations. Although entrance lines can be long, so this one-stop hot spot can be your ticket to an exciting evening.


Whether it’s gathering in a friend’s living room, going out to the pubs, or gambling a few bucks at a casino, the point of this day to cherish your friendship before you embark on a journey of marriage.

Bachelorette Party Alternatives

Almost all brides to be probably have some sort of bachelorette party before their big day. When some people traditionally think of bachelor or bachelorette parties, they may assume the party will involve: a scrumptious cake, and a scantily clad person jumping out of that cake. Or they may think the party will entail an extremely wild night out at the bars involving a few men, dollars, and Lifesavers. But what if the bride to be isn’t the sort of woman who would swoon with excitement if “Officer Friendly” came to her door with fun and surprises?

There are many alternatives to having the traditional “stripper” or “night out at the bars” bachelorette party. You could have a lingerie party! Invite a few (or lots) of your closest girlfriends over for a night of margaritas, delectable hors d’oeuvres, and gossip while they lavish you with gifts of gorgeous lingerie. It is a great way to sit back, relax and spend time with family and friends before your stressful big day. Besides the lingerie, your guests may decide to give you: a romantic game for lovers, massage lotions, candles, bubble bath, or wine and wine glasses.

Or you could have a slumber party! You may think it’s strictly for pre-teens giggling over their latest crush, but it could be just the thing to relax your pre-wedding jitters. Pick a place where you and your friends could hang out for the whole night and spread the sleeping bags around! Get festive and light candles, whip up a fattening feast of pizza and do-it-yourself hot fudge sundaes, rent romantic movies, set up the bathroom for the girls to receive well deserved facials, or break out the polish and paint your nails and toes a sexy, vamp red.

A final suggestion for a “last bash” before the wedding is to have a Jack and Jill party. This party is for both the bride and groom. It’s also a way to gather your family and closest friends to celebrate your upcoming wedding. Most likely, it would be easier to have the party at a restaurant and to serve food and drinks since the guest list could be quite big. To cover the cost of the food and festivities, forewarn the guests that you will be charging a few dollars. The choice to come is up to them. Another good idea is to have various question and answer games that involve the history of the couples’ courtship and engagement. Have everyone try to participate, and those who answer the questions correctly receive some sort of prize. Prizes can fun and inexpensive such as: chocolate, candy, or free drinks. I actually attended a Jack and Jill party a few years ago. For some reason, the hostess decided to give out “naughty” prizes during the games. Imagine my excitement as I answered question after question correctly about my dear friends. And just imagine the shape of the chocolate I was given as my consolation prize. I haven’t looked at chocolate the same since.

Have fun thinking up your own bachelorette party ideas. There are so many ways to make it a night to remember!