Villagers celebrate snake wedding

Those snakes. Always ruining the sanctity of marriage with their...showy snakiness.

Villagers in Cambodia have celebrated the wedding of two "magic" snakes. Hundreds of people travelled to the two-hour ceremony in Svay Rolum yesterday where 4.8m, 90kg female python Chamrouen was wed to her slightly smaller male mate Kroung Pich, The AP reports.


Funny snake cake toppers Oh, the Internet, I love you.

A pair of Buddhist monks blessed the reptiles and the villagers showered them with flowers as music played. Chamrouen's owner Neth Vy, 41, said: "We married these pythons to ask for health and prosperity in our village. We were told [by fortunetellers] that the two pythons are husband and wife and they need to live together, and if we don't marry them we will meet bad luck."

He added that the family had been bestowed with good fortune and improved living conditions since the snake had become part of the household.

Magic snakes. The innuendo possibilities are winking suggestively, so I'll just say...

Have a great weekend!

xo,
Kay Banks

Stupid questions from the wedding party

Most people have worked a retail job, so everyone can relate to this confusing exchange between customer and clerk:

(I work in a custom ceramics shop were we offer a touch-up/repainting service. A woman in a formal dress comes in with an armful of garden gnomes.)

Customer: “I need these gnomes to match this dress.”

Me: “Okay, we can do that. Do you mind if we take a picture for reference?”

Customer: “It’s for a wedding.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Customer: “It’s this afternoon.”

Me: “This afternoon?”

Customer: “Yes, at three. What, did you think I just walked around dressed like this all the time?”



Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t help you. It would take the better part of a day just to paint all these little guys, and it takes at least three hours for the glaze to dry completely.”

Customer: “You don’t need to paint them! Just get them to change their little clothes!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are garden gnomes.”

Customer: “Exactly! Now, unfreeze them and make them change! I’m going to be late!”

It sounds like a joke, but for some reason people turn off their brains when they walk into stores, so I believe it.

-KB

Teenager marries cow, becomes widower

Here's a weird, sad, sick, weird story:



A teenager who was forced to marry a cow he claims seduced him fainted during his wedding. What’s more, shortly after the ceremony, Ngurah Alit, 18, became a widower when villagers drowned his ‘bride’. The teenager was spotted naked in a field with the cow. He said he believed it to be a beautiful woman who had seduced him with flattering compliments. He was then forced to marry the cow to ‘cleanse’ the Bali coastal village of Yeh Embang [Indonesia] of the bestiality.

Poor cow.

-Kay Banks

South Korean otaku marries anime pillow bride

Yesterday, I linked to a video of a dude marrying his virtual girlfriend. This guy is slightly less weird because he's marrying a physical object, but he's still weird because he's marrying an object.



Lee Jin-gyu fell for his 'dakimakura' - a kind of large, huggable pillow from Japan, often with a picture of a popular anime character printed on the side. In Lee's case, his beloved pillow has an image of Fate Testarossa, from the 'magical girl' anime series Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

Now the 28-year-old otaku (a Japanese term that roughly translates to somewhere between 'obsessive' and 'nerd') has wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after fitting it out with a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest. Their nuptials were eagerly chronicled by the local media.

'He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere,' said one friend. 'They go out to the park or the funfair where it will go on all the rides with him. Then when he goes out to eat he takes it with him and it gets its own seat and its own meal,' they added.

Here is video proof that this guy takes his pillow out. Dear jeebus save this man's soul.


I hope he's...happy?

-Kay Banks

Otaku marries his video game girlfriend

A man loved his Love Plus video game girlfriend so much that he married her in a real ceremony at the Tokyo Institute of Technology.



The video explains his past virtual girlfriends, and the Japanese video sharing site that live-streamed the ceremony. Commenters had useful things to say like "your mum lol". Oh, the internet!

-Kay

The creepiest Nigerian scam

GREETINGS. II AM YOUR LONG-LOST UNCLE FROM NIGERIA AND I HAVE MONEY FOR YOU IF YOU ATTEND MY SHAM WEDDING TO MY DAUGHTER.

A Nigerian Home Office worker 'married' his own daughter to get her a British visa, the Daily Mail can reveal. The extraordinary scam was apparently executed by Jelili Adesanya while ministers turned a blind eye. Mr Adesanya, 54, has lived here for more than 30 years and holds a British passport, but wanted his daughter, her husband and their four sons to join him from Nigeria.

He faked a wedding ceremony complete with a photograph of the happy 'couple' which helped fool immigration officials that his daughter, Karimotu Adenike, was really his wife. Miss Adenike, who is in her mid-30s, was duly granted permission to live in the UK. The pair are waiting for her to be granted a permanent right to remain before they undergo a quiet divorce and attempt to bring the rest of her family here.
It is expected she would try to remarry her real husband to get them all visas.



Mr Adesanya, who came to Britain in 1976, flew back to Nigeria on May 29, 2007, and held the bogus wedding ceremony a few days later at a register office in Ikorodu, Lagos. A source said: 'They paid people to attend the wedding so that the British High Commission in Lagos would believe it was genuine. The commission then gave Karimotu Adenike a two-year settlement visa in October 2007. 'On her settlement visa application form, of course, she did not mention that she already had a husband and four children. The date of birth on her Nigerian passport is not her real date of birth.'

Miss Adenike is believed to have aged herself by ten years on her wedding certificate to disguise the age gap with her father. Although her settlement visa expired, she is hoping to be given the right to remain.

Mr Adesanya, who lives with his daughter in Dagenham, Essex, vehemently denied the plot and said he had never been questioned about the allegations. He said: 'Married my own daughter? I have never heard anything like this in my life. I deny it. She is my wife, not my daughter.' However, asked to confirm his 'wife's' date of birth, he said he did not know without checking her passport, and refused to allow her to speak for herself.

Unbeknown to him, his daughter had confirmed the arrangement when she told a friend she would shortly apply for her own British passport and 'divorce daddy'.

Gross! Go into the weekend happy in the knowledge that you are not married to your own kin.

-Kay