A little something for newly-engaged couples

Were you part of the Valentine's Day Engagement Hysteria?

If so, this billboard is for you:


I wish failblog wouldn't stamp FAIL on everything, because I think this is funnier, and much less annoying than the Robbins Brothers commercials that were playing constantly. There's SO MUCH SHRIEKING!



Though I get why an engagement ring store wouldn't advertise with sarcasm.

When it is time to make good on your engagement, make sure this doesn't happen to your photographer.


This poor guy. He was attacked by the drunken bridesmaid freak train.

xoxo,
Kay Banks

Snarking on wedding photos

These are the photos that leave me undecided.

You know I'm a fan of all things spooky wedding, so I'm torn over this cake. Part of me loves the gorey cake with the romantic-macabre message, but the other part thinks that the execution is too gross.




I'm also a fan of doing as you please, showing off what you have, and generally not giving a fig what anyone thinks, but this bride is doing it distastefully. If I had giant boobs, I'd probably show them off too, but not in a way that would constantly have my dad and uncles hiding their faces. Her boobs look precariously perched on those little triangles of fabric, and not in a sexy way.




Finally, I think it's silly to wear unbearable uncomfortable shoes, but not to this end. TheLovelyBride.com sells "comfortable wedding shoes" for the low, low price of $159.95. There are other models that are equally ugly, but I noticed that they only sell one color, and the sizes don't run true. For $160, I want cute and comfortable shoes.


-KB

More wedding photo snark

This bride is clearly not the kind of girl who dreamed about every detail of her wedding day. She didn't even care enough to take the bluetooth headset out of her ear*

*Or maybe it's one of these hilarious hearing aids that just looks like a bluetooth headset? Either way, it looks silly.



This bride seems to be pleased with her well-planned, matchy-matchy curtain bridesmaids. If you look at the end bridesmaids, their faces seem to tell a different story.




This one strikes me as really funny - an entire wedding party is loaded into a decorated backhoe. Maybe one of the families is a rental company or a contractor. That's the only reason I can think of that you would be transported in a backhoe. Either way, it kind of looks like fun.

-KB

I don't know where I found the last photo. If you know more about it, hook me up.

Wedding snark in photos

This week I'm emptying the folder of funny wedding pictures that I've been collecting.

These pictures are from a cause I very much support - Anti Duckface. If you've ever visited Facebook or MySpace, you have seen Duckface. It's that really unattractive thing that people do in pictures when they want to resemble Miley Cyrus. Yikes. Here are some wedding Duckface photos:


I'm sure the bride is really pleased that her friends made this stupid face in every single picture.




Or maybe not. Can you imagine allowing someone to photograph you in a wedding dress on the toilet? Kids today.



This bride is so humiliated by her duckface photo that she's hiding her face rhythmically in her husband's groin area...oh. I see :\

-Kay

Awkward stock wedding photos

I love Awkward Stock Photos, but there aren't enough wedding-related pictures for my taste. I know there must more lurking out there than just this one:



No offence to this model, but what is going on with her photos? She looks unprepared or annoyed in all of them, but there seems to be a whole series of pictures of her with just this gown and a weird expression on her face.



Every time her faced popped up, I laughed harder. Who would buy this? Is she pretending to be 10?


There are also a LOT of photos of crazy, pissed-off brides. I actually like this one. I hope I find a reason to use it in the future.


Her little balled-up fists are funny. And how about this angle? She's all up in your face - that's how you know she's mad.


This one's called "She got her man" No further snark is necessary.


I never post pictures of myself on this blog. Today's the big day - here I am with my husband on our wedding day. He's quite the wiggler, but eventually I got him in that trunk.


And lastly, these terrifying dolls. WTF.


-Kay

It's not too late to enter the flat iron contest! Shoot me an email tonight to enter. The winner will be announced tomorrow - good luck!

Fish in a wedding cake? That's just wrong.

This is so wrong, for so many reasons.

First, it's just an ugly cake. Why is the coral (seaweed?) blue? I also hate the haphazard shells all over the place. Then, instead of the columns, they used champagne glasses to prop up the top tier? It's kind of a cute idea, but it's poorly executed.



What the what? Look at those sad little fish in the glasses. First, you should not use live animals as decorations. Yes, I'm probably a hypocrite in this area because I eat fish and meat, but I do not use animals for my visual pleasure (unless it's DEEP SEA on Blu-ray because that blows my mind!) because it seems like an asshole thing to do. Second, if you are going to use animals for your visual pleasure, at least make it visually pleasing. Poor Betta fish are usually the victims of the fish-for-decoration trend, but these are ten cent guppies. They're ugly. Everything is ugly.



Humph!

-Kay

A look back at 1989 wedding advice

Remember the Color Me Beautiful craze in the '80s? When I was a kid, some older girls who were family friends were always holding that book up to my face to determine if I was a Spring or a Winter, and then coating me in hideous colors reminiscent of Homer's make-up gun.


Homer, I think you have it set to 'whore'

This popped up on one of my favorite blogs Awful Library Books, and the advice is still so relevant, it's screaming to be shared.


Colors for Brides promises advice on hot topics such as: your wedding, your trousseau, your first home, your planning guide, and your bridal gift record. I know what you're thinking! What in the hell is a trousseau!? It is a pretty word for dowry. Yes, dowry.

Let's dive in and soak up all the amazing advice. Your cosmetics leave something to be desired - wouldn't you look better following this advice?

You want to look romantic, don't you? It's perfect for channeling your inner child pageant show contestant.

-Kay