Arizona wedding brawl

Police officers in a Phoenix suburb had to restrain and arrest a bride who became disorderly at her own wedding reception party.

Gilbert police spokesman Hugh White said Monday that officers had to restrain 28-year-old Angela Davito on Saturday night after she kicked a police officer. Officers responded to an unknown trouble call around at a home in Gilbert, Arizona, around 9:30 p.m. They were told by attendees that people in the backyard were “killing each other,” and officers observed a large brawl.


This entire article is an excuse to post this picture

Police commanded people to stop fighting, but the commotion continued, and White says people became angry and aggressive toward the officers. Officers called for backup, and several other officers were sent to the scene, along with Gilbert firefighters to attend to victims of pepper spray exposure.

Following a short-lived calm, Davito charged a partygoer and had to be restrained. The bride allegedly kicked an officer and was arrested on charges of assault and obstructing governmental operations. It's unclear whether Davito has an attorney.

It is clear that this marriage will most likely end in divorce since she and everyone around her need help for their insane, Chris Brown-style anger issues.

-KB

Lisa's Wedding

It rarely gets mentioned here, but you should know that I am somewhat obsessed with the Simpsons. I pride myself on working obscure episode references into everyday conversation, but every Simpsons fan knows that some of the worst episodes are Lisa episodes. Poor Lisa. She doesn't mean to suck, she's just annoying and shrill. Even so, I'm a fan of Lisa's Wedding.

23 minutes condensed: Lisa goes to a fortune teller who specializes in foretelling the future of relationships where people get jerked around. The medium tells Lisa the story about her future first love, Hugh. He's basically Hugh Grant and Lisa spends the summer with him and his posh family during a break from college (did I mention that the year is 2010?). Hugh proposes, and Lisa has the anxiety-inducing obligation of bringing him back to the US to meet her family before the wedding. Things don't go as planned, Homer is an embarrassing boor, Lisa and Hugh realize the relationship can't work, and the wedding is called off. Let's look at some future memories from that one where Lisa almost got married.


Here's Lisa accepting Hugh's ring. He's English so he's portrayed as terribly smart, clever, and rich.



A shot of the wedding invitation. It's a little plain. I know Marge appreciates delicate tissue paper in wedding invitations, so maybe it was in a particularly beautiful envelope with a nice tissue overlay. The invitation fails to mention a reception, so perhaps this is a separate invitation for those invited only to the ceremony.


Lisa wonders if her dress should be white because of her past with Milhouse. Marge soothes Lisa's worries by telling her that Milhouse doesn't matter, and then they laugh at him. Ouch. Poor, pathetic Milhouse.


These are Homer's prized pig cuff links; they have been worn by every Simpsons groom. Shockingly, Hugh is appalled by the tacky wrist jewelry, but he agrees to wear them to please Homer, and then doesn't wear them.



And here's little Lisa as a bride. She looks like a Disney princess with her veil, crown, pearls, jewel brooch, gloves, and floral waistline. That is, like, A LOT going on in one dress, no? Homer looks like he's been back on the Dr. Nick window-to-weight-gain diet because he barely has a chin, and he's got a neck roll over the collar of his tuxedo jacket. Oh, Homer.

In the end, it all works out. In a different episode we discover that Lisa is the first (straight) female President, and she never could have done that tied to the kitchen sink at Hugh's family estate.

Smell ya later,

Kay Banks

Bride saves woman's life, ruins gown

An Australian bride hitched up her wedding dress and leapt from a jetty into the sea to save a woman spotted floating face down in the water, Adelaide's Advertiser newspaper reported Monday. The wedding party was having photographs taken at dusk Saturday on Glenelg jetty when someone spotted the 55-year-old woman bobbing in the water.


Not the bride; from Flickr user brotherM

The bride, a trained nurse, managed to get the victim breathing again before medics arrived. The injured woman was taken to hospital with spinal injuries sustained in the fall from the jetty.

Shane Daw, a spokesman for Surf Life Saving South Australia, said members of the wedding party worked on the woman for about five minutes before she regained consciousness.

'They did a fantastic job,' he said.

What a story - I'm glad to know that all brides aren't plastic surgery-obsessed loons. At least they're not that way in Australia.

xo,

Kay

Pregnant bride fired on the eve of her wedding

The article is wordy, so I will tl;dr it for you.

Jarretta Hamilton was a fourth grade teacher at a Florida Christian school until the school administration found out that she was pregnant and unmarried. She asked her boss for a leave of absence for her wedding and mentioned that she had just become pregnant.



The school's strict guidelines prohibit teachers from "fornication". Jarretta was asked not to return to the school.

It won't surprise you to find out that Jarretta is suing the school; the school claims they've done nothing wrong.

From the picture of this new family, it looks like Jarretta and her new husband are more mature, so it's not surprising that they'd start trying to have kids right away. The article says that she was three weeks pregnant on the day of her wedding. If the point of the firing is to keep her pre-marital fornication a secret, they could have just said it was a honeymoon baby. Finally, what kind of Christians turn away a pregnant and temporarily-single woman? It's been a long time since the slow, painful torture of private Christian school, but I seem to remember that Jesus was born in a barn because nobody would let a pregnant and unmarried woman stay in their inn.

Good luck Jarretta!

-Kay

Couple stranded by volcano marries in Dubai

A Brisbane couple's wedding guests have watched them take their vows over the internet after the volcanic ash cloud disrupting European flights left them stranded in Dubai.

Sean Murtagh, 24, and Natalie Mead, 30, first tied the knot at a civil ceremony in inner-city New Farm three weeks ago. But Sean's family in the UK could not make it to Queensland so his mother organised a second reception in London. They landed in Dubai on Thursday only to be told, after a 19-hour wait, there would be no connecting flight to England.


This picture has nothing to do with anything. From spike55151.

"Everyone pray to volcano gods that I can get on a plane today, or I am going to miss my wedding!" Natalie posted on Facebook. Then Sean asked staff at the Millennium Airport Hotel if they could get an web-video link-up in their room. Staff pulled out all stops for the stranded couple.

"They have decorated the lobby of the hotel. They made us a three-tier wedding cake, set up a laptop with Skype and a projector," Sean said. With 80 guests watching from London, Sean and Natalie renewed their three-week-old vows in Dubai online.

"Bugger if we are going to let a little thing like a volcano stop us from getting married and sharing it with Sean's family and friends," posted Natalie.

Yay, our first wedding story from the Volcano mess! It's too bad that Natalie and Sean didn't get their "big day" but I'm sure that this is a lot more memorable than the standard vow renewal. And it's nice that instead of price-gouging, the hotel is helping wayward travelers. Though, they probably haven't received their bill yet...

-KB

Bridesmaid's dress stolen hours before the wedding

Not that I don't believe this bridesmaid, but...she is probably full of crap.

Delaware state police say someone broke into a car and stole a bridesmaid's dress just hours before a wedding.


Who me?

It happened Friday morning at a shopping center in Pike Creek. Police say the bride and one of her bridesmaids were in a salon getting ready for the wedding. When they got back to their car, they found that someone had stolen the pink dress [And it's a great color! You'll be able to wear the dress again after my wedding!] the bridesmaid had planned to wear at the ceremony. A bag of accessories was also stolen. [I'm sure the bridesmaid REALLY MISSES her pink gemstone earrings, and pink feathered hair accessory]

The vehicle was not damaged. Police believe the thieves overrode the car's self-locking mechanism.

Yeah, okay bridesmaid. Somehow, someone just broke into your car, ignored the quarters in the ashtray, did NO damage to the car, and this all happened just hours before the wedding. I don't think there's any question about what really happened.

Lock your cars, friends!
-KB

Sex-crazed elephant crashes wedding

A sex-crazed elephant rampaged through a lavish wedding ceremony in New Delhi in hot pursuit of a mate, leaving flipped cars and dazed guests in its wake. The lovestruck pachyderm, one of three hired for the traditional Indian reception, caused more than $300,000 in damage after it went rogue, according the Bangkok-based Thaindian News.



The elephant charged the couple’s guests, stampeding across a lawn and flipping at least 20 cars as it chased a female elephant in heat. The animal was subdued with a tranquilizer after six hours on the lam – but not before it rammed a police truck.

Officials for the Wildlife Trust of India blamed the incident on a case of raging hormones, saying the elephant was in "mast," the mating phase that occurs once a year.

I really hope this poor guy is okay. Sad/man elephants really bum me out. ...And here I am, letting my geek flag fly: Apparently elephants are like Vulcans? This one was experiencing his pon-farr. OMG, I'm a nerd.

There's a video, but I can't watch it. Go on without me.

-Kay