Merry Christmas!

This is our first Christmas together as Mr. and Mrs. and it is totally not what I expected last year. I thought we'd have trouble deciding what to do, which family to spend it with, but we just did lunch with one side and dinner with the other on Saturday. We had dinner with some friends today (which makes me think that other people didn't make this holiday so family-centric either) and as we were driving around, I noticed quite a few places still open.

Actually, unlike last year, I felt like we didn't really do much celebration this time around. In combination with the warm weather, it hardly felt like Christmas. I barely did any shopping or card-writing. Maybe because we are still in shock/trauma from the wedding, or maybe because we've been so very occupied with our housing situation, I didn't even get Dear a gift. Oh well, when I don't get the inspiration to get the "perfect" gift, I'm really not into it. Also, because Christmas fell on a Monday this year, it was just weird to have Christmas Eve service on a Sunday after regular Sunday service.

Hopefully next year when things are more settled I'd like to at least get a little tree and decorate it together. Anyway, enough of my babbling. Merry Christmas everyone!!

Banquet details

The detail that everyone seemed to love was the escort cards that we made out of leaves. Other than the gathering, pressing, shellacking, and storing of the leaves, I have very little knowledge of how the leaves became escort cards. At one point Dear bought a bunch of clear labels (since he refused to handwrite each one) and printed out names and table numbers on them. He also gave a bunch to my mother who could not provide us with a clear guest list so she had to handwrite hers. Lots of people commented on how creative we were, though one party pooper had to add that they were brittle (eh, screw him!). Some people seemed to like the idea so much that they pinned a leaf to themselves, as if it were a boutonniere. If I had fresh autumn leaves, I would have petitioned for adding one to Dear's boutonniere.


My MIL is a stained glass nut -- she goes every week to her class and her house is filled with all sorts of stained glass pieces. So it was only natural that I ask her to make us something featuring a double happiness character. At first I thought it'd be nice to have her make a caketopper but then she shot that idea down saying it'd be too heavy (I think a cake should be able to hold it up without collapsing) and saying that she was concerned about lead poisoning since the soldering is done with lead (though I said we could easly put a piece of cardboard underneath it to prevent that). So I said we'd just place the double happiness somewhere on the cake table then, akin to the large "I Do" letters that many brides use. After asking me a million questions and asking me to print her several sizes on paper, she set to work and bought the glass. Her choice of glass was not ideal, it turns out, since it was really a mirror (or something she explained that I don't understand) and she was not able to cut it into a circle. Instead, she'd have to keep it as a rectangle and she wouldn't be able to solder the edges so she also bought a frame to put it in. I wasn't crazy about the gold, but that's what happens when you give someone free reign. I think it turned out OK.
Behind the scenes, after-the-fact, "Pop-Up Video"-esque tidbit: I later learned MIL told the photographer that she made it and she urged him to take pictures of it.

In the last days, I just couldn't do anymore and Dear stepped up to do the table/menu cards, from design to printing. Of course, what I wanted was a lot more complicated so the simple idea Dear came up with was a lifesaver (not that I helped with that). On one side he included the guest names and on the other, the menu, along with explanations for each course.
I don't have the final wording of the menu, but it was something like this (this is our first draft):

There are 9 main courses to a Chinese banquet menu as the number connotes "everlasting." Everything is served whole to symbolize completeness. There is a delicate balance not just in the flavors, but also in the cooking method, where boiling balances frying, braising/steaming, cold/hot, savory/sweet.

Cold appetizer platter: Roast pig, ham, beef, jellyfish and pickled vegetables
Pig symbolizes purity -- J__ delivered a whole roast pig to R___'s parents to make the engagement official in the Chinese tradition.

Jumbo battered shrimp with candied walnuts

Shark fin soup with chicken
A very expensive delicacy, shark fin symbolizes prosperity.

Braised abalone with mushrooms and Chinese vegetables

Sirloin Steak with broccoli

Crispy whole fried chicken
The chicken symbolizes the phoenix (mythological bird), the representation of the wife.

Lobster, stir-fried with ginger and scallions
The lobster symbolizes the dragon, which represents the husband.

Steamed whole fish
Fish is a must at every important meal, as it sounds like the word "abundance" in Chinese.

Fried rice and E-fu noodles with mushrooms
Noodles, especially the e-fu noodles, are served to symbolize longevity.

Red bean soup with lotus seeds
Red is a lucky color and lotus seeds symbolize fertility.

How it all came down: the evening of

Before the banquet began in the evening, we cut the picture-taking short (cutting out the SI Ferry option) and headed back to Ctown so that we could get the tea ceremony started. There was a bit of traffic, especially on the street leading to the restaurant. Our photographer got out of the car so that he could capture shots of us arriving and I think he must've waited at least 15 minutes for those few paces. The bridal party, behind us, decided to just walk and they got there way before we did.

When we got to the restaurant, Judy, our fantabulous baker, had just finished setting up the cake. It was so nice, exactly the way I wanted and yet way beyond my expectations. I think we were still communicating about flowers a few days before the wedding and I just gave her free reign because indecisive me couldn't decide on a lot of things. She ended up creating a bunch of yellowish-orange sugarpaste orchids for the cake-topper and at first I thought they were real! Everything that I could decide on and asked for was created exactly the way I wanted, down to the same shade of red that I love from the invitations. From the flowers to the double happiness monogram in royal icing, to the cherry blossom texture on the middle tier, to the red bands stamped with an image of a Chinese knot I found on an envelope, I really loved how the cake turned out and to try to describe how beautiful it was would just ruin it.

So here are some pics.

Do you see how she even piped the cherry blossom design onto the board that the cake is sitting on?

close-up of the flowers on top of the cake

close-up of the double happiness

Someone captured this moment while Judy was setting up -- look at the deep concentration!

CAKE from SILK CAKES: A+
I love Judy's work and I think she was the best vendor we dealt with, coming up with exactly what I wanted. She has a lot of good ideas and her work is exquisite! And her pricing is a lot more affordable than other bakers that we checked with for the type of cake we wanted. She is also very accessible -- we met with her several times to discuss the design and flavors, plus we communicated regularly through email. At the tasting, we couldn't decide which flavor we liked more so we chose both the mocha cake with raspberry filling and the lemon cake with strawberry filling as different tiers. I think the mocha turned out a LOT better than the lemon (though the lemon wasn't bad either) and I even had guests ask for more of it when only the lemon was left. Someone also said that he doesn't usually like that type of cake (chocolate with fruity flavors) but he still really enjoyed it. Unfortunately, a lot of guests also said that they didn't partake of any of the scrumptiousness b/c the MC neglected to mention that there was cake to the side (more on THAT some other time -- hrmph!!). But can I really complain, since we got all the leftovers?! :D We cut a section to freeze for our one-month anniversary (yesterday, btw, but we totally forgot!) and we also had slices here and there for the first two weeks when I allowed myself to eat with reckless abandon again. But I digress, I HIGHLY recommend Silk Cakes!


I don't know who exactly set stuff up at the restaurant, but the favors and bottles of wine (or at least most of them) eventually made it to the tables, as did the table/menu cards. The cake table was also made gorgeous by BM's sister, who set up the buckets of flowers from the ceremony in a line across the back of the table. Such a simple presentation that did just the trick! She also propped up the floral monograms so that they flanked either side of the cake, and spread leftover petals on the table. I was so pleasantly surprised at how romantically lush it came out!

BEFORE: the cake table

AFTER: the cake table (with us in the background doing the tea ceremony)

While everything was set up, we did the tea ceremony thing on the stage at the front of the restaurant. It took forever to get things ready (to round everyone up and to get the tea) so it totally threw our schedule out the window, even though we showed up early (and sacrificed going to all the places we wanted to for pics). Finally, Dear went and got the tea and we got started. It was weird to address all these people as if we were related (like addressing Dear's aunts as if they were my aunts, since I am now considered part of that family). At times I found it comical when we didn't know how to address certain relatives (I am somewhat disrespectful and I don't always correctly address my relatives by their proper rank and title, plus I thought my parents called some ppl various terms of endearment). And when I forgot what Dear just called his relatives, thankfully BM was paying attention and mouthed it to me. That garnered me at least one brownie point with Dear's aunt, who called me smart since I normally don't talk to her under the guise of not understanding her Cantonese dialect. ;)

At the beginning I really didn't want to do the tea ceremony thing b/c I thought it would take up too much time and in some instances I don't really want to pay respect to ppl that I don't really know (like some 'aunt' who I still don't quite understand the relation of). But it was kinda cool to have that time with each set of relatives, sorta talk to them, and to serve them tea, kinda like a receiving line on steroids (only they were sitting and we standing). Originally we were supposed to kneel to the elders but Dear adamantly refused. I thought he was being picky but then I learned this was some sort of pagan ritual so I fought for it too. I felt a bit guilty about this since my mother had already purchased the pillows and the specially embroidered pillowcases but in the end she understood (or got so tired of fighting me on every little thing that she gave up). However, either my parents didn't communicate with each other (highly likely) or my father forgot, but when it came their turn to be served tea, my father kept saying "Aren't they supposed to kneel?" I found that kinda funny too. Besides a bunch of gold bracelets and stuff, my mother also gave me a pair of gold screwpost earrings with diamonds -- the posts were so thick it hurt to stick it in my ears, but everyone said I had to wear everything to show respect. After a while, I started to look like the female (and Chinese) version of Mr. T. And Dear's tux pocket was stuffed with envelope after envelope that we each received from each set of elders. I wish we kept better track of these. :( Also, I still think that my older brother should have been included in this lineup but my family insisted that he shouldn't be because he's not yet married. What irked me more is that later on, when our families were introduced, he was excluded yet again, as if I don't have a brother. Even Dear's younger brother was introduced then! Friggin' distant aunts were mentioned but not my brother -- how much closer of a relation can you get than siblings?!

Anyway, on to other criticisms.... Just a few more posts about the banquet and I'll be done recapping! (Maybe we'll then have time/patience to do all the million other things that need to be done, like going through pro pics [if we ever get them], writing thank you notes, etc.)

Something old, something borrowed

The other day (probably weeks ago), my FCIL let me borrow the vintage Gucci clutch that she found at a rummage sale. It's perfect for the wedding day and is so classy.

I think it needs to be cleaned though, and I'm not sure how. Any suggestions?

Looks like I have a lot of old & borrowed stuff. Not sure if I will have something blue....

My cookie day

This past Saturday, Dear and two of his GM drove out to the far reaches of Brooklyn to deliver a pig and some pastries in exchange for my hand in marriage. I feel really bad that one of the GM drove for 2 hours from CT to get to NYC to do this. Thankfully my mother didn't insist on rescheduling this two days before, when she realized that she had mis-read her Chinese calendar. I also am relieved that Dear was allowed (at the last minute) to come inside, otherwise the GMs would have been completely lost in a sea of outdated traditions, amongst ppl they've never met.

While we waited for them to arrive, two of my aunts (the ones who kept feeding my mother all the traditions that need to be followed) gave me marriage advice. Most of it I barely understood (or ignored, since they can be quite annoying) and I just nodded my head. The only thing I remember is my aunt telling me my duties as a wife would be to cook and clean (I wanted to wring her neck for that) and that I would have to say good morning to my ILs (as if I lost all common sense or politeness). It's just so different to hear this subservience junk, as compared to the advice I got at my shower.

Anyway, when the entourage arrived around 11:15 (I think), I scurried upstairs since I wasn't allowed to be seen. I hovered at the top of the steps to catch glimpses of what was happening (mostly saw ppl's legs and feet) and I also tried to listen so that I could picture the events happening below me -- have to watch the tape that GM was shooting. In the meantime, pictures that the other GM shot help fill in a lot of the blanks.

roasted pig and six boxes of pastries, later to be divvied up

I actually watched as the car was unloaded -- I was surprised that everything fit b/c I had heard stories of how ppl had to fold down their seats to fit the pig but there was room to spare in the trunk. Sounds gross, I know, but the pig was covered in paper and taped to the box. I love the wooden red tray that the pig came in.

Dear presented two coconuts to my mother (forgive the odd shot -- he doesn't want his picture publicized so I cropped him out). The coconuts symbolize fertility or something so they're not divided up and given out to the rest of the family. (That's my aunt in the background.)

After the coconuts, two envelopes of money were presented, one for the numerous dried goods that were requested and one as dowry money. Two pairs of chickens and a pair of pants for my brother were also in the lineup. The chickens were completely intact (with neck and innards) and raw (not what I expected, but better than what some old lady told FFIL while he was ordering the cakes in the bakery -- she said the chickens had to be alive and sqawking).

The pig is ushered into the dining room/kitchen to be chopped up.

My other aunt examining the pig for the best angle to chop its head off.

This aunt eventually did all the chopping b/c everyone else was too scared or didn't know how. From upstairs I just heard each person pass the buck and tell the other person to cut it. This is also the aunt that kept calling one of the GMs "pretty boy" in Chinese, which I couldn't stop laughing about from upstairs.

The pig, slowly being divided up.

Did I say how much I really like the box? It comes with handles too! I'm thinking of turning it into a planter or a magazine rack or something. Let's hope all this rain hasn't completely destroyed it as FMIL left it outside in her backyard.

The pig's head, returned to the groom, along with its tail.

The groom also got a wallet (with some money in it), a belt, some of the pastries, some of the pork, all the bed linens we had bought, and two of the chickens back. My mother also returned half of the dried goods money and a significant portion of the dowry money for Dear to buy a suit. She also put red envelopes with a small amount of money in each of the things that the groom took away and everyone there got red envelopes for helping out (the GMs, my aunts).

My mother and aunt dividing up all the pastries into the more decorative red boxes to give out to the rest of my family.

Along with the pastries, they also delivered the invitations (way late) complete with the cake cards to get even more pastries, and a slab of the roast pork.

sample of the pastries

I think one of the pastries is missing, b/c I thought there were supposed to be six types. I tried two of the ones above and they both have a very flaky crust (must be a lot of lard) with the thick and sweet lotus seed filling often found in Chinese pastries. The one I had on Saturday reminded me of a plain mooncake without the yolk centers. This morning, the one I had threw me for a loop as it had thin slices of pickled ginger in the middle, along with half a pickled egg (the kind that you get when someone gives birth -- ick!). I really want to try the large almond cookie but I feel guilty b/c it's really huge!

After the guys left, my family had a small lunch (just pork and rice, no vegetable!!) b/c I think my parents forgot/did not know that they were supposed to cook a meal for all of us. The pork tasted pretty good (not very fatty), was about 100 pounds altogether I think, and came from the meat market on Catherine Street by the Golden Carriage bakery. Not having dealt with them, I give them an A for value (about $1/lb), taste, their thoughtfulness to provide the red tray (I later learned the box cost extra but a nice touch), convenience, and general doing exactly what was asked of them at the time they were asked to.

Here's looking at you kid, er... um... pig? And my mother wanted to get the pig cards (like gift certificates) instead of the actual pig.... I think aside from the huge headache of all this, things turned out alright and definitely created some memories (and only lasted about an hour).

The third dress

Last Friday, BM and I headed out bright and early to 34th Street to find me an evening gown (for the final dress-changing portion of the evening), since the one that I had originally intended to wear is really plain and not exactly flattering. My co-worker had told me about the inexpensive evening gowns that you can buy in the Garment District. I had checked out some places before, but it was difficult to make a decision w/o a second set of eyes and w/o being able to try anything on. So I dragged BM with me to this particular store that actually has a fitting room (ghetto as it may be) and after trying on many a dress, I found something!

At first, I was really afraid that I would make the wrong decision (you can't return stuff, just exchange, and only within 24 hours) so I asked the woman to hold the dress for me (she only holds it for a few hours) while we went to look elsewhere. Since we were in the area, we went to Macy's. Interestingly, I saw at least two styles of dresses that were in the ghetto store, just in different colors. The big difference? About $50 (if not more -- numbers escape me for the moment)! Oh and at Macy's, they have fancier tags attached. After I realized that my budget prevented me from buying anything nice or undamaged from Macy's (I've bought enough evening gowns in the past year for quite a few formal events), I came to the conclusion that the dress from the ghetto store was the one for me.

It is a halter dress with an empire waist and A-line skirt. There is a weird fold of fabric in the front that looks a bit like ruffles, but not really. I'm thinking of cutting that part off. It comes with a thin shawl/scarf thingy and and it's green! Recently I've become enamored with the color green, especially bright greens like apple and lime. I've also noticed that this color is nice on Asian skin so I knew it'd be in my best interest to get something green. Even though many people would have preferred that I wear yet another red dress (besides the qi pao), I decided to go for the green and I think I have a winner! I will finally have a fabulous dress in my repertoire for the day!

And just to check that I'm not colorblind, here's a swatch of the color. The two mothers said it's not "bright" enough -- are they crazy? It's sooo bright (I was concerned it may be too bright). [I'd post a pic of the full dress but I'm too lazy and it's complicated to put it on, etc.]

Today, I tried on the dress with my silver 3" heels and the length is perfect! Now I just have to iron it and perhaps look for the right undergarment. Yay! Something went right for a change!!

Cash cow and other farm animals

I've always been aware of the tension/conflict between the Old World thinking/traditions of recent immigrants and their first-generation American children. But I've never felt it more acutely than now, when seemingly ridiculous cultural traditions are being shoved down my throat and I'm demanded to follow them.

The most recent round of arguments have involved this pig delivery (dowry) thing. At first I thought this was a cute and fun idea and a good way to honor the Chinese history but it has gotten completely out of hand. Besides the pig, fiance is expected to bring over wedding pastries (not to be confused with the bakery cards that we bought to give out to the bride's side), two pairs of chickens, shark fin, dried mushrooms, dried scallops, plus various other dried delicacies, and one pair of coconuts. And of course, don't forget the packet of money that must include a lucky number (either 8 or 9), meaning about $1000 or more. To make matters worse, I'm told that neither me nor fiance can be present -- it will just be some ppl that he chooses to represent him (there must be at least a married couple with their children), including his parents, who show up at my parents' house (who, as of now, are complete strangers to the deliverers). These ppl only stay long enough to drop off all the stuff, receive half of it back (except for the coconuts for some bizarre reason), and then leave. Unlike other ppl who've gone through this, my parents want this ultra-traditional and are not going to invite the deliverers to stay and eat with them (heck I won't even be there to see the spectacle). To make things easier, fiance was given the option of giving the cold, hard cash equivalent of the miscellaneous goods. The trouble with all this, as FFIL pointed out, is which brand do they want? Because as you know, there's the top-notch fungus and there's the low-grade variety, which can be as expensive as $100/lb or as cheap as $1/lb. As it stands, I last heard that FILs found all this stupid and refuse to go to this delivery thing b/c it's not part of their custom.

Fiance was quite peeved about all this b/c it seems like he's buying me off (I agree), like a piece of property. My mother gave the explanation that all this needs to be done b/c I'm leaving home; note that no notice or care is given about the male leaving the home. As fiance said, if we were to do this the completely traditional way and to follow through on the idea of me leaving home completely, I would never ever see them again. So if you put that idea up against my parents wanting all this rigamarole, which is the better way to go? It's not fair that they get the best of both worlds and use the excuse of following tradition for only the parts that they like. I didn't bring that up but that didn't stop my mother from giving me the full-on guilt trip of how she raised me, all the hard work that went into that, and how I'm so ungrateful. Maybe I am, but like I told her, I have no problem giving her money or giving my parents a gift as a show of my appreciation for raising me, I just don't see the point of having to do all this stuff, and me being treated like property that is exchanged from family to husband. This is America -- we made the decision to get married and we don't really need permission or extra obstacles in our way.

With all these arguments, my mother has been reluctant to discuss these issues further with me. She gave me another guilt trip about how this is a happy occasion and she just wants it to be easy and without conflict but that every time we begin to discuss I get all mad. Well I think anyone would be mad if they had to go through all this. Maybe I'd be less confrontational about it all if we were told in advance. But no, we're finding out about all these excess demands now (our friends have never had to go through so much). We never thought we needed a married couple with kids to deliver stuff -- I believe all his cousins (who are married and have kids) are busy on the agreed upon w/e. His groomsmen (who we originally asked to help out) married non-Asian women so they will definitely not bring their wives. And I'd feel terrible to have to impose on ppl to do these tasks (which are most likely meaningless to them) for ppl who are strangers to them.

After our latest fight and my protestations of being treated like chattel, I think my mother started to see my side of things. So she started telling me about all the things she's supposed to give me, like sheets and comforters (more on that later). And she tried to make plans with me to go to the safe deposit box to pick out some bracelet and she said she'd give me her diamond earrings (which, though probably nice, I don't really need -- I'm just a simple girl so I don't need all this stuff!). She also brought up how she could give me this f'ugly wedding cake knife (more like a bread knife with a cheap blue bow glued to it) that she once bought from a store going out of business.

Regarding the bed linens, I told her it's pretty difficult to pick those out when you don't exactly have a bed yet (we don't know if we should get queen size or king), nor a bedroom. So she said it's of utmost importance to get a new bed b/c as a couple starting a new life together you must have all new things. I told her the impossibility of buying a new bed to put in a place we don't have yet and she got pretty fed up with me b/c I said I have no problem sleeping on an old bed and I'd prefer to wait to buy a new one (how to buy furniture for a nonexistent apartment? how to buy only a new bed w/o taking into consideration the rest of the pieces in the room?).

8/24 UPDATE: Yesterday we went to TJ Maxx and bought a comforter, two sets of queen-size 300+ thread count sheets, and two pillows for $162.50.