Least desirable celebrity spouse

It's Valentines Day. There, I said it. If forced Holiday Happiness makes you irritable, you'll enjoy this bitchy My OK! survey about least desirable celebrity spouses. The list is from them, the italics are from me (and wikipedia).


Charlie, you've hard a hard year, so I'm going to post a hot picture of you.

Least Desirable Celebrity Husband:
Charlie Sheen 3 failed marriages. Accurate list is accurate
Mel Gibson left his wife of 30 years, bigot
Tom Cruise 2 failed marriages and 1 that seems creepy
Mickey Rourke 2 failed marriages and a plastic surgery problem
Pete Doherty drug problem, annoying twitter account
Marilyn Manson 1 failed marriage, likes to turn his girlfriends into Dita Von Teese
David Hasselhoff 2 failed marriages, alcohol problems, etc
Ricky Gervais I don't get the hate - I love him. He has a long-time partner, but no marriages
Chris Moyles He's popular in England? Never heard of him
Wayne Rooney He plays for Manchester United. Never heard of him




Amy, you've had a hard life, so I'm going to post a pretty picture of you.

Least Desirable Celebrity Wife:
Amy Winehouse 1 failed marriage, drugs, questionable personal grooming
Lindsay Lohan no marriages, drugs, questionable personal grooming
Britney Spears 2 failed marriages
Heather Mills 2 failed marriages, one successful bank run on Paul McCartney.
Gwyneth Paltrow 1 ongoing marriage, not counting her love affair with her own reflection
Katie Holmes Married to Tom Cruise
Lady Gaga Never married.
Madonna 2 failed marriages
Nicole Kidman 1 failed marriage, 1 current marriage
Sarah Jessica Parker 1 current marriage


Most Desirable Celebrity Wife:
Natalie Portman engaged, please click the link
Megan Fox 1 current marriage
Katy Perry 1 current marriage
Kate Moss engaged several times
Gisele Bundchen 1 current marriage
Cheryl Cole 1 failed marriage
Christina Hendricks 1 current marriage
Rihanna never married, bad taste in boyfriends
Kim Kardashian 1 failed marriage
Kate Middleton engaged

Most Desirable Celebrity Husband:
Prince Harry he's really surpassing his brother in terms of attractiveness
Justin Bieber lolforever, he's a kid
Robert Pattinson tabloid superstar
David Beckham very married with a ton of kids
Russell Brand 1 current marriage
Colin Firth YES, PLEASE. 1 current marriage
Prince William engaged
George Clooney never married
Piers Morgan 1 failed marriage, 1 current marriage
Brad Pitt 1 failed marriage, 1 current partner

It's funny, but not terribly surprising, that all the least desirable people have very public bad habits, but all the most desirable people are mostly just attractive. I had the great misfortune of reading Russell Brand's My Booky Wook (don't ask) and I can tell you that you shouldn't marry him. Kate Moss seems like one of the most unbalanced people in the public eye, so why is she on the list? Why is Justin Bieber on the list, creepsters at OK!'s website?

Have a Day,

Kay Banks

Doctor WHO?

Do you watch Doctor Who? You don't?! OMG it's the best show in the history of shows!

That's the conversation I have with someone every time I admit that I've never seen an episode of Doctor Who. Sorry. I'll try it someday*.


For the uninitiated, Doctor Who has been on the air since the dawn of television. It's the longest-running sci-fi television series in the history of television, and it has millions of rabid fans. Because of the show's longevity, obviously it has had some cast switch-ups over time. The show has (according to Wikipedia) had eleven Doctor Whos. David Tennant, the last Doctor just got engaged to Georgia Moffett, daughter of Peter Davidson. Davidson played Doctor Who from 1981-1984. Crazy, right?


I, David Tennant, am shocked at the news!

The two met on set when Moffett had a role on the show as the Doctor's daughter, Jenny. I don't know what that means.


The only thing I understand about Doctor Who - a blue phone booth.

Weird, no? This news set the me and the husband off on a trip down memory lane. How many other same-show stars were married? Lucy and Desi (divorced), Dexter and his sister (divorce pending), the hot doctor ducklings from House (broken engagement), and Ozzy and Harriet (married, but supposedly died miserable). So, is this marriage a good idea? ANSWER: it's none of my business.

Have a great weekend!

xo,
Kay

Eddie Munster dates super fan

News sources kind of screwed up this one because originally stories said that Butch Patrick got married, then he was just engaged, and now he's simply dating this woman. It's a weird story anyway, so just pretend, yes?

Forty-five years after a Pennsylvania woman sent a fan letter to her favorite TV star, they've made a Munster match. Donna McCall was a 10-year-old with a crush on Butch Patrick, who played boy werewolf Eddie Munster in the mid-`60s sitcom "The Munsters." In her letter, she asked Patrick how tall he was because girls at the time were making gum wrapper chains long enough to match the height of their boyfriends. To her delight, the young actor responded and included his height — 5 feet, 4 inches. Like many childhood projects, however, the wrapper chain wasn't completed. Decades passed.





McCall was a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader in the late 1970s, worked for 20 years as a hospital pharmacist, married and divorced. When "The Munsters" ended in 1966 after two years on the air, Patrick left Mockingbird Lane and appeared on shows including "My Three Sons" and "Lidsville," though Eddie Munster remains his best known role.

An online article about a man who holds the world record for making a 12-mile-long gum wrapper chain triggered McCall's memory of her preteen idol. She found an e-mail address for Patrick, and a correspondence began. McCall, now 55 and living 30 miles outside Philadelphia in West Chester, sent along a picture from her cheerleading days, said Patrick, 57, who never married but has a 23-year-old son in Missouri. She also sent photos of herself doing activities on her "bucket list," from scuba diving and trapeze lessons to race car driving, he said.





"That intrigued me a lot," Patrick said. "She's single, she's beautiful, she's in the nicest part of the country and she likes to do adventurous things. I figured I had to meet this woman." The pair agreed to meet May 8 at a horror convention outside Pittsburgh called DraculaCon. You could say it was love at first bite. "I think a lot of people ... thought there was something special going on between us," McCall said. "It was just very comfortable, very easy."

Within weeks, Patrick, who has homes in Los Angeles and Florida, moved to Pennsylvania to be with McCall. He's working this Halloween season with a company called 13 Haunts as its "spokesperson and in-house celebrity Munster" for appearances at its 13 haunted houses in the Philadelphia area.

The couple say they are not engaged, contrary to other reports.

"We've only known each other for three months, four months, so it would be a little crazy to be jumping into that," McCall said. Patrick added: "It's not that it's not going to happen, but one day at a time, so to speak."

Meanwhile, they say they're enjoying getting to know each other — both are active in fundraising at the Chester County Arts Association, and Patrick is enlisting Hollywood friends including Shirley Jones and Lindsay Wagner to lend their celebrity signatures to an upcoming exhibit of embellished bras called "BRAvo Arts Alive" to benefit breast cancer organizations.

After the busy Halloween season for Patrick, he and McCall plan to head to Los Angeles so she can meet his family. "We'll get through the holidays," he said. "Then next year's a new year. Who knows?"

Isn't this a strange story!? Can you imagine sending pictures of yourself doing things to a celebrity? And then getting a response!? It's great that they're happy, but I think it's a little creepy. Maybe that's perfect for the guy who played Eddie Munster.

-KB

P.S. In case you're wondering where I stand on the great Addams vs Munsters debate, here's my position: While I absolutely love the Munsters, I'm team Addams all the way.

Thank you, but no.

This is just an excuse to talk about Morrissey...

WHEN it comes to booking a wedding singer MORRISSEY is not the most chipper choice to put a smile on the face of the congregation. But RUSSELL BRAND and KATY PERRY have asked the miserable Manc to do the honours - even though he's told them not to tie the knot.


We're not tourists, we're just enlightened.

Katy said: "I met Morrissey for the first time the other day and we had tea together. He's Russell's mate [Katy Perry said "mate". I doubt it, The Sun] and he is fascinating but he was giving us a hard time about getting married. He swooned and sighed, 'Oh, left hand third finger, don't do it.' It was just so eloquent and poetic and like one of his songs."


Morrissey - Will Never Marry
Uploaded by samithemenace. - See the latest featured music videos.


I suppose that classic lyric-writing comes in handy when you need to say something out of order. But Mozza - who Russ named his beloved cat after - has still been invited to this autumn's nuptials in India.

Katy added: "It would be great to have him at the wedding but I told him, 'We can't have a Mr Misery like you messing things up.' It's going to be a small ceremony, so I don't think we'll have a proper band. I'd love to have Morrissey."

Hahaha, I love that he was so typically dramatic about getting married. Given all the bitchy stories I've read about Morrissey, I'm surprised he didn't send an assistant to have tea with Katy Perry so that he wouldn't have to.

Have a dreary and romantically soul-crushing weekend.

-Kay

Joe Francis the Girls Gone Wild guy is engaged

Seems like 'Girls Gone Wild' founder, Joe Francis, has found the love of his life. Francis, one of Hollywood's most notorious men, is reportedly engaged to Los Angeles local news reporter, Christina McLarty. Christina is the niece of Bill Clinton's former White House chief of staff, Mack McLarty. She is currently an entertainment reporter at CBS 2 and KCAL 9 (LA TV stations).




The beautiful brunette attended New York University where she majored in Broadcast Journalism and English. She has previously worked for E! Entertainment's 'Fashion File.' Some of her most notable subjects include Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton (whom she interned for) Diane Sawyer, Clint Eastwood and Warren Beatty.

I know nothing about her and little about him, but here is my prediction that I just came up with: The two will have a bunch of kids that will eventually go on to become the Kardashians or the Hiltons of tomorrow. They'll have reality shows on E!, gossip-worthy body parts, and join forces to become an unstoppable media gravy train. Joe Francis will be featured on one of the shows and, like Ozzy and Gene Simmons, will become a dopey comedy foil. We'll forget that Joe Francis ever took pictures of underage boobs and evaded his taxes and say things at parties like "That Joe Francis...he's just like my uncle! Who knew?!"

-KB

Don't forget to send me an email with the subject "LOVE DIAMONDS" to enter to win a $25 gift certificate toward wedding favors!

John Krasinski and some girl planning mystery wedding

I love that this article doesn't even mention Emily Blunt's name in the headline. Isn't she a reasonably recognizable name at this point? I only know her because she is engaged to MY BOYFRIEND.



Anyway, they announced their wedding plans last year and they're hoping to have a secret wedding "soon".

From the crappy article:
“It will be a big wedding…probably in London or Los Angeles.” According to the source, the wedding is next month, and they have already picked up their wedding bands. However the bride has not yet settled on the perfect wedding gown.

“She looked at Monique Lhuillier and Vera Wang,” said the source. “She is definitely considering Monique Lhuillier.”

Monique Lhuillier! Oh Em Gee that's so original!

As much as I love Jim Halpert, I am so bored with celebrity wedding news! I know it's wrong, but when I first heard about the Iceland volcano eruption I thought "Oh, good, more airport wedding stories! I love those!" Because I'm a dick.

But I make up for being a dick by offering you gifts. Expensive gifts. Have you signed up for the flat iron giveaway yet? I have a spreadsheet to keep track of it, and I sincerely can't wait to see who the lucky winner will be.

-KB

Simon Cowell wants Elton John as his wedding singer

Kay here, reporting THE HOTTEST two week old news! Simon Cowell has said that he would like Elton John to perform at his upcoming wedding. I think everyone would like that, but Simon Cowell actually has the funds for it.

"It makes total sense that Simon is focusing on the wedding singer. Music is more important to Simon than the venue, the lighting or the flowers. Knowing Simon, I think it might be even be more important than the bride," joked a friend of the 'American Idol' meanie.



"Elton would be the perfect choice. Unlike others, he is brilliant live. Plus, Simon's dear mum and older relations know all his songs." There's one person who probably won't be getting an invite -- the talented 'Idol' winner Taylor Hicks, who told me: "I feel sorry for anyone who becomes Mrs. Cowell."

No word yet on what will be the first song Elton will be performing for the new Mr. and Mrs. Cowell, but may I suggest 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart!'

No, stale article, obviously the first song should be Your Song. I know it's cliche, but I swear it gets me every time. But then, the lyrics of the song don't really go with Cowell's bank account. What do I know anyway?



-KB

Hilary Duff's single life goes down

This is either a terrible PR stunt, or Hilary Duff is straight out of Seth MacFarlane's fantasies.

Skip to 0:12



Hilary Duff is engaged to some hockey player named Mike Comrie, and I know this because the engagement took place on a balcony with paparazzi watching below.


I saw that awkwardly-photoshopped Maxim spread where you tried to shed your Lizzy McGuire image...will you marry me?


Yay! I am acting shocked! This is what girls do with their hands when guys propose!


I'm going to text this to my less-famous sister while keeping this bad acting class smile on my face!


Here is your reward for giving people a reason to talk about me!

Yeesh, how embarrassing! Is she waxing his hockey stick, or is it merely a raspberry at a bad angle? My guess is raspberry because in some of the other pictures there are friends hanging around, but maybe she's into public sex? May this be the first of many happy marriages for them both.

-KB

Thanks to my pal J for the tip!

Vince Vaughn says what we're all thinking

I'm still not feeling that great, so I'm going to do an entire week of snark. It fits my mood.

Vince Vaughn may be ready to settle down with girlfriend Kyla Weber, but that doesn't mean he's gone all Hollywood with his wedding planning. The Couples Retreat star told BANG Showbiz he wants a small, intimate marriage ceremony because he is suspicious of the grand, extravagant weddings of other celebrity couples.


Photo source


"I've seen these huge weddings on cliff-tops and it's unclear what goes through these people's minds," he said. In fact, Vaughn speculated that some people may be going overboard with the wedding planning because they believe it will help prevent them from divorcing. "[But] inevitably they do," he added, according to Britain's Daily Star. Vaughn revealed that his own nuptials will be a small event with family and friends.

In an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this month, Vaughn explained how he presented Weber with an engagement ring on Valentine's Day - choosing that date in part because he knew he would never forget it. People magazine reported that the engagement ring consisted of a large diamond surrounded by other circular diamonds and was worth $125,000.

I agree with him, but that's a lot of hot air coming from a guy who spent $125K on a ring. In most states, you could buy a house with that. In California, you can buy a car that's almost an exotic.

Grumpily yours,
Kay

Dark celebrity wedding

The celebrity featured today is someone who is popular in the Philippines. He is Jay Contreras from the band Kamikazee. I've never heard of the band, but that doesn't stop me from loving this guy's crazy funeral cross-dresser wedding. This one is pretty far out - even if it's not your style the pictures are interesting.

Jay Contreras and his bride Sarah Abad


Their reception decor is very classic with the red roses and white chairs, but the black table cloths add an edge.


The guests are all in black and the bridesmaids wear fabulous black gowns


This picture is so funny. Are the guests cheering or heckling? Either way, everyone seems to be having fun.


Here is a shot from what looks like the day after photo session. She is wearing an edgier dress, and he is...also wearing an edgy dress. She appears to be sitting on a tombstone, while he wears a drop-waisted gown with a full skirt. Lovely?

All photos from MangoRed.

-Kay

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

John Krasinski is engaged to Emily Blunt. I know I'm married, but you might remember that Jim Halpert/John Krasinski is my #1 husband choice after my actual husband. No, I don't know that there's a difference between the two.


Oh, hai! My hand is giant and a little Vulcan.

The Office star, 29, and actress, 26, who have been dating since November 2008, are engaged, his rep confirms to PEOPLE. "We can confirm that John and Emily are engaged," says the rep.

The couple have kept their relationship under wraps, arriving separately at the 2009 SAG Awards in January and enjoying low-key dates in Los Angeles – including a double date with Blunt's The Devil Wears Prada costar Anne Hathaway and her beau Adam Shulman.

He's a little secretive, so if he were to suddenly change his mind and decide to wait for me, we could have a simple wedding. We'd invite all of our friends to our palatial estate for a bbq, and SURPRISE! we're havin' a wedding.

Enough about me, congratulations to them both! I hope they have an easier time planning a wedding than Jim and Pam do.

-Kay